爱要怎么说出口(5-10)
(2007-7-20)
"Don't know. Maybe it's too remote."
“不知道，或许这里太偏远了吧。”
The desire to punish her had gone. But he daren't touch her. He daren't break the enchantment.
渐渐地，想惩罚她的欲望消失了，但他不敢触摸她，不敢轻易打破这令人着迷的时刻。
"The heat in the day. The cool evenings. It would be good to live like that."
“白天热，夜里凉。住在这种地方会很不错的。”
"Live here?"
“住在这里？”
"Could we ever get permission?"
“我们会被允许吗？”
"I don't know."
“我不知道。”
"Just to see what it was like. I mean--"She half sat up."Can we get inside?"She ran a finger gently down his peeling cheek.
“先看看这里怎么样，我是说——” 她半坐了起来。“我们能进去吗？”她将一根手指轻轻地放在他脱皮的脸颊上。
Alan was taken aback but then he became aware that the crickets had started. How long had they been singing? He wondered."Let go and see."
他吃了一惊，随后意识到蛐蛐儿的鸣叫声已经响起。他不知道它们已经鸣唱了多长时间。“让我们去看看吧。”
They tramped round but as Alan already knew, there was no way in. In the end they came back and he lit a fire at the side of a small stone building. Other campers had obviously used the space and there were black marks on the walls.
他们绕过去，但正如阿兰早就知道的那样，无路可进。最后，他们又原路返回，在一座小型石头建筑旁生了一堆火。显然，其他野营的人也曾使用过这个地方，墙壁上还留有黑色的痕迹。
He cooked supper, using half a precious bottle of water to make it. The intimacy was still there but the talking was at an end. Alan could hardly contain his rising excitement. They had night together. Anything could happen.
他晚饭用去了半瓶珍贵的水，亲密关系依旧存在，但他们已经无话可说。阿兰几乎难以按捺那正在膨胀的冲动。他们一起拥有这个夜晚，任何事情都可能会发生。
Alan suddenly realized what he had to do. After supper, in the glow of the scented mountain twilight, he made coffee and they sat in silence. Darkness came slowly; the volume of the crickets seemed to increase. Still he had made no move.
阿兰突然意识到他必须得做些什么了。晚饭后，在芳香弥漫的大山的幽光中，他煮了咖啡，他们默默地坐在一起。夜幕慢慢地降临；蛐蛐儿的音量好像升高了。他仍没有行动。
She was lying in front of the fire, her body almost glowing. Alan reached out a hand and temporarily she took it. Then Alice yawned and stretched. "I'm turning in now," she said.
她躺在火堆前，身上闪闪发光。阿兰伸出一只手，她暂时握住了他的手。接着，爱丽丝打哈欠，伸展身体。“我现在要睡觉了，”她说。
"More coffee?"asked Alan miserably.
“再来点咖啡？”阿兰痛苦地问道。
She kissed him on the forehead. "No thanks."
她在他的前额上吻了吻。“不，谢谢。”
Had he ever loved his brother Tom? He must have done sometime. Certainly he had always been jealous of him as a child. He the introvert:Tom the extrovert. Alan thought about his introverted personality. He could see quite clearly how he had failed so dismally with Alice and how Tom had taken over so easily. Tom was what she wanted. She didn't want what he had.
他爱他的弟弟汤姆吗？有时他肯定爱，当然他总是忌妒弟弟，像一个小孩子。对他们俩来说，他性格内向，汤姆性格外向。阿兰想着自己内向的性格。他十分清楚自己如何在爱丽丝身上败得这么惨，而汤姆又是如何轻而易举便得到了她。汤姆正是她需要的那号人，她并不需要他这种人。
Gloomily, Alan climbed into the sleeping bag and drifted off to sleep. Beside him Alice slept, her breathing seeming to keep in time with the insistent beat of crickets.
阿兰闷闷不乐地钻进自己的睡袋，渐渐地进入了梦乡。躺在他身旁的爱丽丝也睡着了，她的呼吸声似乎和蛐蛐儿的鸣叫声保持同步。
Alan dreamt. The crickets had stopped. There was a slight breeze and the luminous hand of his watch registered just after two. Her sleeping bag was empty; Alice had gone. For a while he just couldn't believe it. He sat up and felt the dark walls of Santa Caterina close in on him.
阿兰做了一个梦。蛐蛐声都停止了。一阵微风拂过。他的手表上的夜光针刚过了两点。爱丽丝的睡袋空了；她已经走了。好一阵子，他都无法相信这个事实。他坐起来，感到圣卡塔林纳的黑黢黢的墙壁将他团团围住了。
Then he was on the mountainside, stumbling blindly up the mountain path, hearing their laughter. Softly he crept up on them until he could see their bodies entwined. Alan's anger rose to fever pitch and he rushed towards them. They fell apart. He sobbed as he had never sobbed since he was a child.
随后，他来到山边，踉踉跄跄地沿着山路盲目前行。听见他们的朗朗笑声，他轻轻地爬过去，看到两个身体紧紧地贴在一块。他感到痛苦万分，怒不可遏地冲向他们。他们猛地分开了。他低声啜泣，尽管他从孩提时起就从来没有哭过。
She woke him anxiously shaking at his sunburnt shoulders.
她焦急地摇着他被太阳晒黑的肩膀，唤醒了他。
"What's the matter?" she kept asking over and over again "Alan, what's wrong?"
“发生了什么事？”她一遍又一遍地问，“阿兰，怎么了？”
He stared up at her, blinking in the glow of the dying camp fire.
他抬眼盯着她，在篝火的余光中眨着眼睛。
"Nothing,"he said automatically."Nothing really."
“没什么，”他不由自主地说。“真的没什么。”
"But--"
“可是——”
"Just a bad dream, that's all."
“只是做了一个恶梦，仅此而已。”
"You were crying."Her voice was soft, tender, just like she used to be.
“你刚才在哭，”她的声音像过去那样温柔和气。
Alan turned over in his sleeping bag. "I'm fine."he said."Let's get some sleep.'
阿兰在睡袋里翻了一下身，背对着她说：“我很好，我们再睡一会儿吧！”
Alan woke with the early-morning sun gently warming his face. He sat up, his head muzzy with the dream, his cheeks salty, tear-stained.“You were crying.”Her voice came back to him and he winced. Alice had felt sorry for him and he instantly smothered, patronized. He broke into a sweat of agony and apprehension. How could he ever open up a discussion with her now?
阿兰醒来时，晨阳暖暖地照在他的脸上。他满脸泪痕，咸咸的。他坐起来，脑海里还懵懵懂懂地萦绕着那个梦。“你刚才在哭，”她的声音又传了过来。他退缩了一下。爱丽丝已经感到对不起他了。他立即感到很压抑。由于巨大的悲痛和忧伤，猛地出了一身冷汗。现在他将怎样和她展开一场讨论呢？
He looked cautiously round her sleeping bag. It was empty and Alan froze. Then, gradually, he relaxed. It was just after eight and she had probably gone to find a place to go to the loo. He waited, calmly, gloomily, and then anxiously as she did not appear. Hurriedly Alan struggled out of his sleeping bag and began to search the grounds of the monastery. But there was no sign of her at all.
他小心翼翼地看了看她的睡袋，睡袋已经空了。阿兰一下子僵住了。随后，渐渐地，他又放松了。现在刚过8点，她也许是找地方方便去了。他平静地、忧郁地等待着，尔后还是不见她回来，就心急火燎起来。阿兰慌忙从睡袋里挣扎出来，开始在寺院里四处寻找。但踪迹皆无。
Panic set in as Alan scoured the grounds again and drew a blank for the second time. It was becoming increasingly obvious that she had walked out on him and was probably climbing down to Tom. But rather than feeling anger, Alan simply felt desolate. She hadn't even left him a note. He went over and touched the inside of her sleeping bag. It felt cold.
当阿兰再次惊慌失措四处寻找仍然一无所获的时候，显然她已经不辞而别，很可能是下山找汤姆去了。阿兰感到的与其说是生气，倒不如说孤独。她甚至连一张纸也没有给他留下。他走过去将手伸进她的睡袋，里面冷冰冰的。
Surely she wouldn't find her way back alone. Alan began to search again, this time through the tangled thickets of what might have been a herb garden. Something caught his eye. Lying on the ground was a small, shiny object. It was Alice's bracelet.
她肯定无法独自找到回路。阿兰又开始找起来。这一次通过杂草丛生的灌木丛。某个东西引起了他的注意。躺在地上的是一个小小的、光亮的东西。那是爱丽丝的手镯。
Suddenly real fear clutched at him. Someone had come and abducted her. Or had Tom come to find her? But the bracelet?
突然，一种真正的恐惧袭上他的心头，一定是有人拐走了她，或者是汤姆来找她的？可是，手镯又怎么讲呢？
"Please God,"Alan muttered. "Let her be safe." "Why hadn't he looked after her? Why hadn't he been able to reassure her? Alan now realized how he had locked himself into his own shell of rejection and jealousy. Tom no longer seemed a threat. All Alan wanted was Alice, and if only he could find her they would talk and talk and talk.”
“求求你，上帝，”阿兰喃喃道，“保佑她平安。”为什么他没有照顾她？为什么他没有安慰她？现在阿兰才意识到他以前是如何将自己锁进一个妒忌和沮丧的空壳里？汤姆看起来似乎不再是一种威胁。阿兰所想的全都是爱丽丝，只要能找到她，他们就会倾心长谈。
For the fourth time he began to search the grounds, the bracelet in his hands. Then , in a crevice on the broken stones of the terrace, he saw something bright and beady. Alice's ring. And he knew how tight on her finger it was. Sweat ran down Alan’s face.
他开始第四次在地上寻找，千里拿着那只手镯，随后在一排房屋堆砌的石头缝里，他看见一件东西在发光——是爱丽丝的戒指，而且他知道那是紧紧地戴在她的手上的呀。阿兰的汗从脸上流了下来。
“不知道，或许这里太偏远了吧。”
The desire to punish her had gone. But he daren't touch her. He daren't break the enchantment.
渐渐地，想惩罚她的欲望消失了，但他不敢触摸她，不敢轻易打破这令人着迷的时刻。
"The heat in the day. The cool evenings. It would be good to live like that."
“白天热，夜里凉。住在这种地方会很不错的。”
"Live here?"
“住在这里？”
"Could we ever get permission?"
“我们会被允许吗？”
"I don't know."
“我不知道。”
"Just to see what it was like. I mean--"She half sat up."Can we get inside?"She ran a finger gently down his peeling cheek.
“先看看这里怎么样，我是说——” 她半坐了起来。“我们能进去吗？”她将一根手指轻轻地放在他脱皮的脸颊上。
Alan was taken aback but then he became aware that the crickets had started. How long had they been singing? He wondered."Let go and see."
他吃了一惊，随后意识到蛐蛐儿的鸣叫声已经响起。他不知道它们已经鸣唱了多长时间。“让我们去看看吧。”
They tramped round but as Alan already knew, there was no way in. In the end they came back and he lit a fire at the side of a small stone building. Other campers had obviously used the space and there were black marks on the walls.
他们绕过去，但正如阿兰早就知道的那样，无路可进。最后，他们又原路返回，在一座小型石头建筑旁生了一堆火。显然，其他野营的人也曾使用过这个地方，墙壁上还留有黑色的痕迹。
He cooked supper, using half a precious bottle of water to make it. The intimacy was still there but the talking was at an end. Alan could hardly contain his rising excitement. They had night together. Anything could happen.
他晚饭用去了半瓶珍贵的水，亲密关系依旧存在，但他们已经无话可说。阿兰几乎难以按捺那正在膨胀的冲动。他们一起拥有这个夜晚，任何事情都可能会发生。
Alan suddenly realized what he had to do. After supper, in the glow of the scented mountain twilight, he made coffee and they sat in silence. Darkness came slowly; the volume of the crickets seemed to increase. Still he had made no move.
阿兰突然意识到他必须得做些什么了。晚饭后，在芳香弥漫的大山的幽光中，他煮了咖啡，他们默默地坐在一起。夜幕慢慢地降临；蛐蛐儿的音量好像升高了。他仍没有行动。
She was lying in front of the fire, her body almost glowing. Alan reached out a hand and temporarily she took it. Then Alice yawned and stretched. "I'm turning in now," she said.
她躺在火堆前，身上闪闪发光。阿兰伸出一只手，她暂时握住了他的手。接着，爱丽丝打哈欠，伸展身体。“我现在要睡觉了，”她说。
"More coffee?"asked Alan miserably.
“再来点咖啡？”阿兰痛苦地问道。
She kissed him on the forehead. "No thanks."
她在他的前额上吻了吻。“不，谢谢。”
Had he ever loved his brother Tom? He must have done sometime. Certainly he had always been jealous of him as a child. He the introvert:Tom the extrovert. Alan thought about his introverted personality. He could see quite clearly how he had failed so dismally with Alice and how Tom had taken over so easily. Tom was what she wanted. She didn't want what he had.
他爱他的弟弟汤姆吗？有时他肯定爱，当然他总是忌妒弟弟，像一个小孩子。对他们俩来说，他性格内向，汤姆性格外向。阿兰想着自己内向的性格。他十分清楚自己如何在爱丽丝身上败得这么惨，而汤姆又是如何轻而易举便得到了她。汤姆正是她需要的那号人，她并不需要他这种人。
Gloomily, Alan climbed into the sleeping bag and drifted off to sleep. Beside him Alice slept, her breathing seeming to keep in time with the insistent beat of crickets.
阿兰闷闷不乐地钻进自己的睡袋，渐渐地进入了梦乡。躺在他身旁的爱丽丝也睡着了，她的呼吸声似乎和蛐蛐儿的鸣叫声保持同步。
Alan dreamt. The crickets had stopped. There was a slight breeze and the luminous hand of his watch registered just after two. Her sleeping bag was empty; Alice had gone. For a while he just couldn't believe it. He sat up and felt the dark walls of Santa Caterina close in on him.
阿兰做了一个梦。蛐蛐声都停止了。一阵微风拂过。他的手表上的夜光针刚过了两点。爱丽丝的睡袋空了；她已经走了。好一阵子，他都无法相信这个事实。他坐起来，感到圣卡塔林纳的黑黢黢的墙壁将他团团围住了。
Then he was on the mountainside, stumbling blindly up the mountain path, hearing their laughter. Softly he crept up on them until he could see their bodies entwined. Alan's anger rose to fever pitch and he rushed towards them. They fell apart. He sobbed as he had never sobbed since he was a child.
随后，他来到山边，踉踉跄跄地沿着山路盲目前行。听见他们的朗朗笑声，他轻轻地爬过去，看到两个身体紧紧地贴在一块。他感到痛苦万分，怒不可遏地冲向他们。他们猛地分开了。他低声啜泣，尽管他从孩提时起就从来没有哭过。
She woke him anxiously shaking at his sunburnt shoulders.
她焦急地摇着他被太阳晒黑的肩膀，唤醒了他。
"What's the matter?" she kept asking over and over again "Alan, what's wrong?"
“发生了什么事？”她一遍又一遍地问，“阿兰，怎么了？”
He stared up at her, blinking in the glow of the dying camp fire.
他抬眼盯着她，在篝火的余光中眨着眼睛。
"Nothing,"he said automatically."Nothing really."
“没什么，”他不由自主地说。“真的没什么。”
"But--"
“可是——”
"Just a bad dream, that's all."
“只是做了一个恶梦，仅此而已。”
"You were crying."Her voice was soft, tender, just like she used to be.
“你刚才在哭，”她的声音像过去那样温柔和气。
Alan turned over in his sleeping bag. "I'm fine."he said."Let's get some sleep.'
阿兰在睡袋里翻了一下身，背对着她说：“我很好，我们再睡一会儿吧！”
Alan woke with the early-morning sun gently warming his face. He sat up, his head muzzy with the dream, his cheeks salty, tear-stained.“You were crying.”Her voice came back to him and he winced. Alice had felt sorry for him and he instantly smothered, patronized. He broke into a sweat of agony and apprehension. How could he ever open up a discussion with her now?
阿兰醒来时，晨阳暖暖地照在他的脸上。他满脸泪痕，咸咸的。他坐起来，脑海里还懵懵懂懂地萦绕着那个梦。“你刚才在哭，”她的声音又传了过来。他退缩了一下。爱丽丝已经感到对不起他了。他立即感到很压抑。由于巨大的悲痛和忧伤，猛地出了一身冷汗。现在他将怎样和她展开一场讨论呢？
He looked cautiously round her sleeping bag. It was empty and Alan froze. Then, gradually, he relaxed. It was just after eight and she had probably gone to find a place to go to the loo. He waited, calmly, gloomily, and then anxiously as she did not appear. Hurriedly Alan struggled out of his sleeping bag and began to search the grounds of the monastery. But there was no sign of her at all.
他小心翼翼地看了看她的睡袋，睡袋已经空了。阿兰一下子僵住了。随后，渐渐地，他又放松了。现在刚过8点，她也许是找地方方便去了。他平静地、忧郁地等待着，尔后还是不见她回来，就心急火燎起来。阿兰慌忙从睡袋里挣扎出来，开始在寺院里四处寻找。但踪迹皆无。
Panic set in as Alan scoured the grounds again and drew a blank for the second time. It was becoming increasingly obvious that she had walked out on him and was probably climbing down to Tom. But rather than feeling anger, Alan simply felt desolate. She hadn't even left him a note. He went over and touched the inside of her sleeping bag. It felt cold.
当阿兰再次惊慌失措四处寻找仍然一无所获的时候，显然她已经不辞而别，很可能是下山找汤姆去了。阿兰感到的与其说是生气，倒不如说孤独。她甚至连一张纸也没有给他留下。他走过去将手伸进她的睡袋，里面冷冰冰的。
Surely she wouldn't find her way back alone. Alan began to search again, this time through the tangled thickets of what might have been a herb garden. Something caught his eye. Lying on the ground was a small, shiny object. It was Alice's bracelet.
她肯定无法独自找到回路。阿兰又开始找起来。这一次通过杂草丛生的灌木丛。某个东西引起了他的注意。躺在地上的是一个小小的、光亮的东西。那是爱丽丝的手镯。
Suddenly real fear clutched at him. Someone had come and abducted her. Or had Tom come to find her? But the bracelet?
突然，一种真正的恐惧袭上他的心头，一定是有人拐走了她，或者是汤姆来找她的？可是，手镯又怎么讲呢？
"Please God,"Alan muttered. "Let her be safe." "Why hadn't he looked after her? Why hadn't he been able to reassure her? Alan now realized how he had locked himself into his own shell of rejection and jealousy. Tom no longer seemed a threat. All Alan wanted was Alice, and if only he could find her they would talk and talk and talk.”
“求求你，上帝，”阿兰喃喃道，“保佑她平安。”为什么他没有照顾她？为什么他没有安慰她？现在阿兰才意识到他以前是如何将自己锁进一个妒忌和沮丧的空壳里？汤姆看起来似乎不再是一种威胁。阿兰所想的全都是爱丽丝，只要能找到她，他们就会倾心长谈。
For the fourth time he began to search the grounds, the bracelet in his hands. Then , in a crevice on the broken stones of the terrace, he saw something bright and beady. Alice's ring. And he knew how tight on her finger it was. Sweat ran down Alan’s face.
他开始第四次在地上寻找，千里拿着那只手镯，随后在一排房屋堆砌的石头缝里，他看见一件东西在发光——是爱丽丝的戒指，而且他知道那是紧紧地戴在她的手上的呀。阿兰的汗从脸上流了下来。